For your final immune test you will be submerged in a tank filled with a mixture of lobster bisque and peanut butter.

Calling it here, Costco is going to use the genetic information to create the perfect hot dog.

When I plowed through that kindergarten I didn’t get as much as a single dent. If that isn’t an endorsement, then I don’t know what is.

Hell, I’d jab a pen in your throat right now if I suspected it would somehow improve your health

Replace all the customer facing employees with chimpanzees with webcams that say in sign language: read what’s on the website. Whenever someone calls in or opens a chat, they’re connected with a chimp. Be sure to also include a guide to ASL on the company website. I guarantee sales will go up

Bold of you to assume he would learn anything

It really sucks, I have the second Alan Wake game on there but I can’t really get into it.

You’re gonna cook up a crazy theory like that and not even mention big daddy capitalism?

edit: I was making a joke, it didn’t land right. I agree with you, I probably wouldn’t be on this website if I didn’t.

Innocent God fearing all American red blooded heterosexual bystanders.

Upstanding heterosexual cisgendered male citizen forced to take homeless bum’s life in deadly subway altercation.

Violently homosexual man brutalizes innocent bystander in gay rage.

I really enjoyed the original series, the other stuff just seems daunting to me.

One day you come home, you see all your stuff is in boxes. Then you see a note on the fridge, it says: “Womp womp” You fall to your knees and break down in tears. Through your tears you see another note underneath the fridge. You reach for the note. The note reads: “Womp, womp?” You began to laugh maniacally. You hear footsteps, you stop laughing. Your wife stands behind you. She says: “Kept you on your toes didn’t I?”

Your desktop was cluttered so Microsoft AI agent formatted your hard drive. Please insert your credit card number to buy a new windows license.

Now you just need a gunpowder powered pulley system that whips your massive dong out of your fly after the motorized zipper opens your pants.

I didn’t read what you said but I like it, everyone gets a license plate on bluesky.

CPU = Chief Party Unicorn

No, you’re being facetious. Go sit in the corner.

Absolutely not, we’re talking about a man who serves fast food to athletes.

“This is not good! Worlds are colliding! George is getting upset!”

-George Costanza

Seinfeld “The Pool Guy” - Season 7, Episode 8 (1995)