NekuSoul-Lemmy
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 days ago

Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

external-link
message-square
158
link
fedilink
464
external-link

Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 days ago
message-square
158
link
fedilink
Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a ‘6ft Mustang full of testosterone’
metro.co.uk
external-link
alert-triangle
You must log in or # to comment.
  • solidheron@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    6 hours ago

    I like how Jesus or he really wants to fuck a mustang

  • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    23 hours ago

    Man wakes up from coma, figures out how to make bank on it.

  • phutatorius@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    12
    ·
    1 day ago

    Then he woke up on sticky sheets.

  • Cethin@lemmy.zip
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    9
    ·
    1 day ago

    This is not meant to be criticism, but I think this guy has been repressing something for a long time…

    • OrteilGenou@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      1 day ago

      His love for horses, Hispanic first names, and human biology?

  • Archangel1313@lemmy.ca
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    1 day ago

    Is he talking about the horse…or the car?

  • nanometer1625@thelemmy.club
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    12
    ·
    1 day ago

    He must be Dothraki. He met “the stallion who mounts the world”.

  • Evotech@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    12
    ·
    1 day ago

    Why did he get a platform lol

  • BradleyUffner@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    1 day ago

    Vroom vroom

  • itisileclerk@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    1 day ago

    Why this is published? Today the more nonsesnse you say, the more chance to go public. Like “God exist” or “I was in Heaven” or “Jesus died and resurected” or “God tell me stories and I write them”.

  • tigermountain@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    5
    ·
    1 day ago

    Wait a minute, I spent 20 days in heaven and jesus was a short Chinese guy with glasses who was nervous around women. This guy is lying.

    • IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      1 day ago

      You are both wrong. My version of Jesus is right. Which means you’re both evil and are going to hell.

  • piedonut@piefed.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    25
    ·
    2 days ago

    Well somebody is suppressing their sexuality.

  • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    20
    ·
    2 days ago

    Sounds homoerotic, but OK.

    Maybe “heaven” was spending 18 days with a Latin American lover called Jesus.

  • ViatorOmnium@piefed.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    166
    ·
    2 days ago

    This reads like some very iffy fan fiction.

    • StabbingSky@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      91
      ·
      2 days ago

      Written by Hegesth.

      • neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        53
        ·
        2 days ago

        NO WEIRDOS, BEARDOES, OR WOMEN, ONLY STRONG, HOT, MUSCULAR, DTF MEN.

        • NotSteve_@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          1 day ago

        • Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          20
          ·
          2 days ago

          AND DISCREET

          • OldChicoAle@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            4
            ·
            2 days ago

            That always makes me laugh. Discreet? Oh you mean I can’t publish your name in my weekly zine? Damn!

            • Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              5
              ·
              2 days ago

              Discreet is basically always code for I’m cheating on my wife.

    • Varesti@lemmy.zip
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      2 days ago

      *Yiffy

    • meat@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      37
      ·
      2 days ago

      Right? Apparently hallucinating in a coma that Jesus’s manly body is the only reality will get you on Fix News.

      • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        11
        ·
        2 days ago

        only if it’s the right jesus. my sil hallucinated a different jesus and never got a book written about her. was pissed off about it until the day she died. i kept telling her she needed to write it herself, but nope! too much work.

        • Zarobi@aussie.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          2 days ago

          Can we hear about this different Jesus? It sounds interesting. Don’t meant to pry if it’s a sensitive topic, though.

          • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            2 days ago

            It was just mormon Jesus. Nothing special. No eye lasers.

            • Seralth@piefed.seralth.com
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              1 day ago

              Aww the eye lasers are the best part.

    • ceenote@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      2 days ago

      The edgy atheist in me wants to say “so add it to the Bible.”

  • OldChicoAle@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    28
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 days ago

    The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury.

    Fox News is like, “brain damage?! Bring him on!!”

    Seriously, how dumb are Americans? It astounds me daily for some reason. How convenient that “heaven” is just like that fantasy novel that you’ve internalized and convinced yourself is actual history? I’ll file this with the people that have conversations with god

    • moondoggie@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      2 days ago

      Someone with brain damage is a few steps above their usual guests

  • CoconutLove@lemmy.today
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    66
    ·
    2 days ago

    Fox News interviews brain damaged man suffering from delusions

    • lobut@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      36
      ·
      2 days ago

      RFK went on again?

      • brian@programming.dev
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        1 day ago

        nowadays I think it’s more likely fetterman

        • Colloidal@programming.dev
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          5 hours ago

          Plenty to go around.

Not The Onion@lemmy.world

nottheonion@lemmy.world

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !nottheonion@lemmy.world

Welcome

We’re not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 1K users / day
  • 3.51K users / week
  • 7.49K users / month
  • 15.5K users / 6 months
  • 1 local subscriber
  • 22.6K subscribers
  • 3.55K Posts
  • 132K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • kescusay@lemmy.world
  • BE: 0.19.15
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org